That Guy

Managing Mental Health on a Bad Day

Blaming others.

Let’s talk about it.

Blaming others is the act of holding someone else responsible for a mistake, problem, or negative outcome, which can lead to negative consequences such as damaged relationships, mistrust, and lack of personal growth. Let me explain further by telling you a story.

The story.

So, there was a guy who was known for his quick temper and tendency to blame others for every little problem in the office. One day, as he was walking through the office, he noticed that the copy machine wasn't working. He immediately called in his secretary and demanded to know who had broken the machine.

The secretary nervously replied, "I don't know, but I did see John, the IT guy, using it earlier today."

The guy stormed into John's office and yelled, "What did you do to my copy machine?!"

John calmly replied, "I didn't do anything to the copy machine, I only used it to print out a document."

The guy wasn't convinced and shouted, "Then who did it?!"

John shrugged and said, "I don't know, but I heard Susan from accounting saying that she needed to make a lot of copies earlier today."

The guy stormed into Susan's office and demanded to know why she broke the copy machine. Susan looked confused and replied, "I didn't break the copy machine, I only used it to make a few copies!"

After several more rounds of blaming and accusing, the guy finally realized that the copy machine had simply run out of paper.

The copy machine debacle was a normal Tuesday. Many more instances on finger-pointing continued to plague the office.

Underlying issues.

The guy struggles with low self-esteem, anxiety, and lack of self-confidence. His absent apology to employees was his way to avoid feelings of guilt or shame. His words and actions were detrimental to relationships and personal growth.

Strained relationships.

Assigning fault led to strained and damaged connections. It fostered an atmosphere of mistrust and resentment, making it difficult to maintain healthy relationships. It led to feelings of shame or defensiveness in the person being blamed.

Mental health

The guy struggles to navigate his emotions. He is easily triggered by anything he perceives as negative. He is reactionary. This scenario portrays him at work and does not begin to capture what could be going on in his personal life.

Loss of trust.

Finding faults with others created an atmosphere of suspicion and mistrust, making it difficult to maintain positive, healthy connections with others. The employees doubted each other’s honesty and integrity. This ultimately led to a breakdown in communication and collaboration, making it harder for the team to work effectively together.

What can be done?

Of course, this is an entirely fictitious tale that is not about me… or you… someone you may know, or someone you heard about.

However, I listed a few pointers below if you happen to cross professional and personal paths with “this guy” in the future.

Become aware of triggers.

Identifying the situations, emotions, and thought patterns that lead to blaming individuals can be the first step to developing strategies to manage these triggers and respond in a more constructive way. For example, if a person tends to blame others when they feel stressed or overwhelmed, they may need to develop better stress management skills or build self-confidence and resilience. Paying attention to one's own thought patterns and reactions can help challenge their own assumptions and develop more constructive ways of thinking.

Monitor self-talk.

By paying attention to self-talk, individuals can become more aware of any negative or blaming thoughts and work to replace them with more constructive and positive ones. To monitor self-talk, individuals can practice mindfulness and reflection, and write down any negative or blaming thoughts as they arise. By becoming more aware of one's own thoughts and beliefs, individuals can challenge negative patterns and develop more constructive ways of thinking and behaving.

Replace blaming with problem-solving.

This strategy involves reframing thoughts and language from blaming to problem-solving, using a structured approach to problem-solving, and taking personal responsibility for their actions and role in a situation. By doing this, individuals can create a more positive and productive environment that fosters collaboration and effective problem-solving.

Seek professional help when needed.

Seeking professional help is an important strategy for overcoming the tendency to blame others. A mental health professional can provide support, guidance, and tools to develop more constructive and positive ways of thinking and behaving. Additionally, individuals can benefit from building a support network of friends, family, or colleagues who can provide emotional support and feedback. By working with a mental health professional and building a support network, individuals can develop the skills and tools needed to build stronger relationships and take responsibility for their own actions.

Let’s commit.

In conclusion, blaming others can have negative effects on relationships, mental health, and personal growth. To overcome the tendency to blame others, individuals can practice self-awareness, take personal responsibility, and focus on problem-solving. By replacing blaming behavior with constructive solutions, individuals can build stronger relationships and create a more positive and productive environment. And if needed, seeking professional help can provide valuable support and guidance in developing healthier patterns of behavior.

Don’t be “That Guy,” let's commit to taking responsibility for our actions and working collaboratively with others to create a more positive and productive world.